Being kind to yourself

Hey you, you're fat / stupid / ugly / unlucky. You're never going to get that job / partner / lucky break; who are you to think you will?

I would imagine you're reading these words and thinking crikey who on earth would speak to someone in that way? And yet we routinely speak to ourselves like that, the words may be different but I bet there isn't one person reading this who hasn't rubbished themselves at one time or another, often for really minor misdemeanors.

We put such high expectations on ourselves and yet we sometimes don't extend ourselves the same kindness and support that we would do to a good friend. Criticism withers whilst praise boosts and encourages, that applies whether it's to another person or just to ourselves. I know that for most people the 'rah rah, I'm fabulous, I can walk on water' approach is simply a bridge too far, but if we could even stop with the negative self-talk, it would be a huge step in the right direction and you will definitely begin to see a difference in how you feel, how you appear to others and also to your success.

Your unconscious mind is responsible for all your habits and behaviours and it quite literally believes everything you tell it, whether that's real or imagined, so can you see why it's so damaging to keep on putting yourself down? Even things that you consider to be quite harmless and might say on a really regular basis like 'I'm so forgetful, if it wasn't screwed on I'd forget my head'! Your unconscious mind will believe this and because it's like a child who always wants to be right, it will then begin to seek out situations to confirm these beliefs. Which is then likely to make you more forgetful.

Just for the day, could you treat yourself like a best friend? Be honest, challenge, be critical even. But do it from a kind and supportive perspective. Focus on the good things you've achieved that week / day even hour if necessary, and give yourself a break!

'Where your thoughts go, your energy flows' think about this too: is your energy flowing to the great things you are and what you achieve in your life, or is it going to the habits and traits you would rather be free of? By giving anything space in your head, whether that's forgetfulness, a bad diet, or a fluffed presentation; you are continuing to breathe life into it.

Go on, give it a go :)

Being you...

When I first met my now great friend and inspiration, Trish, she blessed me.  She told me I was beautiful and unique and that there was no other Sarah Kennard in the universe.  And that if I wasn't being me, then the universe was missing out.  Now, some of that may sound slightly elementary and some of it may feel a bit schmaltzy  but most critically, to me it just felt wholly uncomfortable and I wanted to run a mile! Be myself?! I had no idea who I even was!  I had perfected the art of being who I thought I wanted to be, with my apparent career success, hard faced attitude, material possessions...and shoes, endless shoes!  

I was like a professional shopper, I'm surprised I found time to have a full time job, each weekend was almost ritualistically dedicated to shopping, or researching what I was going to shop for.  And then every few weeks, there would be a mass clear out of my wardrobe as I got rid of the things I didn't like any longer, some of them still with tags, to my ever grateful friends (who even now sometimes joke they are dressed in 'K by SK').  I had the retail equivalent of Bulimia: binging and  purging, only on possessions as opposed to food.  It was mentally and physically exhausting as with each new purchase, I would think it was going to magically transform me into being happy.  That sounds ridiculous now and of course I never thought of it in those literal terms at the time.

I'm not going to pretend for one second that I am now skipping through the tulips indulging only in spiritual pastimes, having relinquished all my material possessions!  That simply is not the truth; I still like to look good and I still like to party but there is a different energy around it now, and I enjoy those things.  I feel that I also like other simpler things in life just as much and that gives me some balance and more importantly, peace in my head.  I cherish the times I spend with my family and friends, adore walking my dog and reading and cooking.

I'd like to pass on that blessing  to readers of this post: you are beautiful and unique, and if you aren't being you, then the universe is missing out on you.  So, go on: Be YOU!

Metaphors

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Metaphor


I love metaphors! Ive loved them since before I even knew what a metaphor was, if that makes sense!  I think that we can find metaphors so easily in every day life and our mind can then use them in loads of different ways, there is no limit to their power and then more abstract they are, the more ways our mind will find to use them.  I'm never more intrigued by them than when I'm out cycling; and I felt so inspired after my ride today that I wanted to write about it and share my thoughts on how a really simple bike ride on a beautiful day can throw up so many things.  Even though these points are cycling related, they can just as effectively be applied to everyday life.  I hope they are helpful :)

1. Your enjoyment of the ride (life) does not need to be dependent on the weather conditions.
2. Have an idea of your route but be prepared to be flexible, as long as you get to where you want to be, the way you get there isn't really too important.
3. It may feel like you will be safer going slowly with one foot dragging on the ground but believe me you will have a much safer ride if you get both feet in the pedals and get some speed up, you will find it much easier to balance.
4. Make sure you're prepared for the journey you're going to take: that your bike is safe and you are wearing the right kind of clothing for the weather conditions.
5. When you feel like the traffic is bearing down on you and you cant get your feet clipped into the cleats, stop looking down and focusing on them, just look ahead and let your instinct guide you.  You will find that they easily click in then.
6. When you're struggling to get up a big hill and are feeling like its never ending, remind yourself that there is going to be a hill to come down at some point which will make all this hard work seem worth it.
7. Sometimes when your legs are spinning fast and the ride feels easy but you don't feel like you're getting anywhere, its time to crank the gears up a bit to ensure you are getting somewhere.  
8. At others, when your legs are aching and the going seems tough, its fine to drop down a gear and make progress more slowly.
9. Sometimes, what seems like a shorter route can be harder work with bigger hills and roads that aren't as safe.
10. When you get to a junction, If you've checked the coast is clear, get your best foot forward and get going, otherwise by the time you've looked right and left again, there might be something coming.
11. Commit to the ride, be present with it and you will enjoy it so much more.
12. Its fine to just go slowly, you will see and hear beautiful things that you wouldn't if you were going lickety split.
13. Breathe deeply from your belly and relax your shoulders away from your ears, what you're doing will feel easier and your performance will be much much better. 
14. If you see other people, cyclists or pedestrians, smile at them.  That smile may changed that person's day, or even their life.
15. Even though you know you're riding safely, you can be in danger because someone is about to pull out into the oncoming traffic and they wont see you because you aren't a car. Keep your wits about you.
16. When you're riding fast downhill and feeling euphoric, the wind can get in your eyes and make it difficult to see. You need to focus to stay safe.
17. You don't have any influence on what the other traffic is doing, just trouble your head with your own business.
18. Trust your intuition, it will always look out for you if you tune into it, to do this you need to silence the chatter in your head. 
19. The long rides will take their toll on your backside, make sure you have your padded shorts on :-)
20. If you fall off, as I have done the last 2 weeks in a row, it doesnt mean you are a failure or incompetent, nor does it mean the whole ride is a dead loss.  Just learn whatever you need to about what caused you to fall off, and then get back on again.

Journey from cynic to optimist

Hello my name is Sarah and I'm a party girl/ drunk/ cynic/ disillusioned career woman / person who sees the bad in everyone / general fu** up/ delete as appropriate...This could have been my opening line in any given situation up until around 4 years ago. That is until I began to realise that, at the age of 30 something (nudging 40 if I'm honest) that if I didn't sort myself out soon, I was in danger of having wasted most of my life instead of just the younger best years of it.  So, I decided it was time to stop the yo-yo dieting, the never ending hangover, the constant need to apologise for what i had done / said in reference to the aforementioned hangover, the awful angst I felt at being in meetings and not feeling worthy of being there...I could go on and on, the list was seemingly endless....

After making that decision, I discovered a coach who worked with NLP and it opened my eyes to a whole new world, one where taking responsibility for yourself and your actions and your outcomes, are all key principles....and so I began on my journey from cynic to optimist...

Getting Started

Right here goes....I have been talking about Blogging now for what seems like an eternity and if I were one of my clients, I would be asking 'so why is it you keep on talking about it and not doing it?'.  I'm not entirely sure if I'm honest although I guess fear is in there somewhere 'what if i write it and nobody reads it / everyone hates it / someone laughs at it / I cant think of what to say / delete as appropriate'.  And then it occurred to me that one of the reasons I am now doing the work I'm doing now is to help people be free from fear of taking action, to empower them to trust their intuition and follow their hearts not their heads...and  I need to be able to take my own medicine, so here I am.  I'd be lying if I said I didnt feel a sense of trepidation, but hell if you reframe that physical feeling, isnt it just excitement?